Pits (2026)

My grad school professors called me Sour Patch Kid, and I never knew why. I only knew myself as sweet.

I love the people I meet wholeheartedly. And I was gentle with my students. They were my flower garden, each with different watering and sunning needs. Intense and delicate beauty; repotting constant growth. But they feared me sometimes, and I never knew why.

My family is hard to deal with. My parents were kind to everyone except for us. We are a peach with an ugly pit that is painted with wrinkles but will never break. My mom used to tell me that no one would ever get along with me enough to love me, and I never knew why.

Sometimes I say what I mean and it’s evil. Sometimes I say the kindest thing and people take a step back.

And now I hold two gardenias in my hand for you. One is open and fragrant. It is my heart. The other is crushed in my fingers, the acronyms like PTSD and ASD and PDA. The things I cannot control but will.

The things I cannot control but will.

Out 6. Breathe 8. Hold 8.

The things I cannot control but will.

The things I cannot control but will.